What I Wish I Could Tell You~


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What I Wish I Could Tell You ~Cindy Lee Lothian~

What I wish I could tell you threatens to bubble up and explode from my mouth, but the words quickly die as soon as my lips start to part.

Would you even begin to understand? 

Could you really feel how scared I really am?

When my vision started to fail, I was left alone in the dark. How could you see the panic that shadowed me with each further degree of darkness? Did you see how I would close one eye at a time to repeatedly test what I could and couldn’t see?

Did you understand how out of control my own life felt as I seemingly had no control over what was happening to my own body?

I wish I could tell you how fatigue robs me some days of enjoying even the most simplest things. How taking a shower can seem like an unobtainable goal or how it makes me feel when I see the look in your eyes after I finally emerge from my bed after a all day nap.

I wish I could tell you what a thief nerve pain is robbing me of the ability to enjoy a day of moving freely without having to reach for a pain killer every four hours, searching for relief in a codeine fog.

I wish I could tell you how I feel but I honestly don’t know if you would even ever understand.

The only way to be heard is to start somewhere.

Are you listening now?

cindy Lee Lothian

June 21, 2014

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About Cindy Lee

I'm a writer, mother and lover of life who has learned that my twenty year dance with the disease MS, has given me Multiple Strengths. I write about love, laughter, healing and hope.
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4 Responses to What I Wish I Could Tell You~

  1. Anne Clarke says:

    If only people would understand, the above is the daily life of having MS, I just ask that when someone judges me they have their facts straight on MS. I don’t want MS but I do and I try my best not to let comments bother me but they do. I make lite of my MS and it TRULEY helps me keep going. To my fellow MS’ERS your all sexy in your own way and don’t let anyone tell you diffrent 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

    • Cindy Lee says:

      I love it Anne, that is exactly the purpose of my blog. To get the word out there they we are all still amazing despite the challenges we all face each day. Thanks for your comments and keep on being you! Cindy xo

  2. Mark Ziegler says:

    Yes I know, This robs Ones desires physical activity’s , friends, even your thoughts ,double checking every move, for me short term ,pain plus numbness no one should have to go thru, slowly get more severe, and one mind ,still believing your capable, only to find its not.
    MY heart goes out too every at every stage ,may peace and strengths be with you through this awful Journey .M.Z

    • Cindy Lee says:

      Hi Mark, you are right. We are all on our own individual journey but we all share one common thing. Understanding and compassion for one another. Stay well my friend. Cindy

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