Que sera, sera




Que sera, sera

Do you like to dominate your partner sexually being in control of your own journey to orgasm?  

When driving in a car,  does being a passenger make you feel out of control? 

When your best laid plans do not go exactly as you had envisioned, do you feel lost and directionless

When I was a little girl of five, I remember dancing with my Mom in the living room to Elvis Presley singing “I just want to be your teddy bear”.  I thought my mother was beautiful, with her shiny auburn hair and perfectly lipsticked red lips.  She would always sing her favorite song “Que. sera, sera” whatever will be will be.  

This always made me feel like anything was possible but at the same time gave my innocent heart a feeling that my future was already written.  Did I really have the ability to be what I wanted to be or was I destined to become whatever will be will be.  

I have come to realize now that  my mother always liked this song because she had come to terms with what her own life had become.  She was a housewife and mother of three girls, not the Hollywood star she had dreamed of becoming when she was a little girl. 

While holding hands with her and dancing in the living room of my childhood, she was a star in my eyes. 

We all fear the sense of not being able to control or foresee what is ahead of us in what we call our “life”.   We  have always quested to know what lies ahead, whether it is seeking a gypsy tarot card reader or a crystal scrying orb.  

Feeling that our lives can be as unpredictable as a leaf blowing in the wind, we turn to God to hand over the reigns to.

 But when the tarot reader reshuffles  her cards and the call to God has been sent, you are left to steer your own ship. 

One of the hardest challenges can come inn the form of a unpredictable illness.  MS is a test of courage, patience and inner stillness. 

When my vision started to blur and my sight worsened, I had a crash course in learning how out of control feels.  Not being able to see is the ultimate teacher of trust.  Not being able to see the outside world clearly forces you to look within.  Realizing that it is okay to ask for help and relying on others when needed is a lesson which took me a long time to learn. 

After twenty years I am still having to keep the “control demon” back in the closet.    I am okay letting go and drifting like a leaf in the wind when I CHOOSE  to,  The hard part is learning how to do this when you don’t have a choice.  Learn to trust that all is as it should be and will be. 

There are documented cases that if a doctor tells a cancer patient they have six months to live, they only have six months.  The mind is a powerful tool, attitude is everything.  

Meditation, yoga and healthy eating are all things you do have the power to put into action. 

Not letting the fear of the uncertainty affect how you greet each new day, puts you back in the pilots seat. 

Ride your partner in the bedroom, drive your sports car, and say Hallelujah!!

Cindy Lee 

November 20, 2012

About Cindy Lee

I'm a writer, mother and lover of life who has learned that my twenty year dance with the disease MS, has given me Multiple Strengths. I write about love, laughter, healing and hope.
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