The Woman In You!

Living with MS, plays out in my life like a country song.

I lost my husband,

I lost my job

and not just my truck, but my license.

Although i am making light of this with the reference to a classic country song, the devastation wrought by MS is  very real.

The stress placed on my then very new marriage, would soon test the depth and limits of our I do’s.

I was married at a young age of 20 and it was only a short eight years into my marriage when my first symptoms started to appear.

We had been on a long planned weekend away to a friend’s wedding, excited to have a stress free weekend without the responsibilities of work and parenting.

I noticed on that Friday’s eight hour drive to the city, my vision in one eye was blurry.

Blurry as if someone had smeared a pat of butter over my eyeball.

I still remember how watching the orange glow of a sunset fall over a farmer’s field of wheat, filled me with a deep sense of foreboding.

The breathtaking orange cast of the sunset which usually filled me with a sense of contentment, seeped into my skin  leaving me feeling forlorn and alone.

This unwanted companion was with me that entire weekend. A third dancer on the dance floor, an unseen presence in our hotel room’s double bed.

Returning home, my vision problems persisted, making it impossible to keep my accounting job. This only added a financial stress into the mix. My husband being a work aholic could only worry how my loss of income  would affect our family finances.

I wanted to have another child before it was too late, so I took the gamble and had another beautiful baby boy.

I felt like he was my second gift from God.

I marveled at how bright the blue was in his eyes, how his little fingers curled around mine. I thought if I were to die today, I had experienced the best thing life had to offer.

My MS symptoms disappeared during my pregnancy but as I had been warned, the aftermath was devastating.

I lost complete vision in one eye. My baby was only two weeks old.

I was scared. Scared I would not be able to see him grow up.

I was lost in my own darkness.

I was adrift from my husband.

Over months of medical treatments and a lot of help from my mother, I healed.

Two short years later, my husband developed his own health crisis. The stress became too much.

The years of struglling ended our happily ever after. The irony of the situation was he felt that I was not there for him  when he needed me. That was how I had been feeling for the past ten years.

Alone. 

When my opthamologist informed the licensing bureau that I still had my treasured driver’s license in my wallet, it was all over.

I was a victim of the do-gooders.

I only wanted to keep it as a token of independence. Even that was stripped away..

We all have a way of taking what we are given and making something beautiful. Even when it seems hopeless.

I am now rewriting that old country song on the radio.

I am taking back a better man, hiring a chauffeur and celebrating along with Shania Twain The Woman In Me!

Rewrite your own song. You will be amazed at what you come up with!

Cindy Lee

December 13, 2012