5 Things I Learned Through Darkness


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Dark Night of The Soul: When the horses follow the fairies in the light Yolkai Easton

One of the scariest things in life is when you realize that the only thing in life that you can count on is yourself. 

When we are children we think that things are a certainty. 

 That we will still have our parents tomorrow to take care of us. That we will start the new day with good health and vitality. That we will find someone to love that will love us until we take our last breath.

As these illusions fall away one by one we are left spiraling in self doubt.

Sometimes when the foundation that you have built your life on crumbles, amidst the bedlam, you gain clarity.

 

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“In a real dark night of the soul, it is always three o’clock in the morning, day after day.” ~F. Scott Fitzgeral

Three o’clock in the  morning was literally a dark night of the soul experience for me.  When I was a teenager growing up in my parents house, my sisters and I often experienced many unexplainable, other worldly experiences.

In one particular bedroom which happened to be mine when I was a teenager, I would wake up for no reason to look over at the clock radio to always see the red digital letters always lit up at 3:00 o’clock.

Along which this illumination of the hour, it always came with a eerie sense of another presence or sometimes even the sound of dragging footsteps on the carpeted  floor.  

Was I having a ghostly encounter or was I being called to examine my life and learn some valuable lesson which was trine hard to get my attention

When standing alone in the face of adversity you have no option but to stand strong. 

When all of your false sense of securities have fallen away, that is when your true inner strength shines.

When a doctor cannot help you, when a loved one leaves or dies, who is left?

You are.

You are all you need to manifest what it is you want in this journey we call life.

What is the lesson you are being called to learn?

I was scared when I found out that my doctor was not God and could not wave a magic wand.

i was lost when my marriage ended and the person I thought was going to save me from  my nightmare. left.

I was shattered when my mother unexpectedly left this world, her arms always being my ultimate safety net.

“On that glad night,in secret, for no one saw me,

nor did I look at anything,

with no other light or guide

than the one that burned in my heart.”

-Poetry of St. John of the Cross-

I have journeyed this dark night of the soul and have emerged with clarity and vision.

Five ways I have come out of the dark night a stronger, happier me.

  1. Appreciation:  I have learned to greet each day with a new appreciation. I know that I am blessed with the opportunity to experience another day and all the things that bring me joy.
  1. Acceptance: I gave up angsting over “what if’s” and worrying about things that ultimately,  I have no control over. I have embraced all things with acceptance that everything is as it should be in this moment.
  1. Gratitude: I am grateful for everyone in my life  I am blessed to experience this journey with which  I call my life.
  1. Love: I have a new sense of love which fills me with every breath I take, with each pulse of my heart. I radiate love in every cell of my body.
  1. Faith: I am calm in the knowledge that all things will unfold as they are meant to. I am the writer of my own script while at the same time reveling in each new chapte

In the midst of change and endings, I found myself. I found a strength I did not know I had. 

I found happiness.

I found acceptance.

What is it in your life that is calling on you to see and to learn?

Do not cower in fear of change.

Face your fears and insecurities with an honest heart.

In this dance, you will find a beautiful, strong you.

You are in there, set yourself free.

Cindy Lee Lothian

February 3, 2-13

 

 

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About Cindy Lee

I'm a writer, mother and lover of life who has learned that my twenty year dance with the disease MS, has given me Multiple Strengths. I write about love, laughter, healing and hope.
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One Response to 5 Things I Learned Through Darkness

  1. Shelly says:

    This three o’clock matter is something isn’t it? I too, wake then, plus minus 15 minutes and have been doing this for years it seems. I have asked myself some honest questions at this quiet and very penetrating time of my 24 hour day. I think its like a kind of internal wiring, our soul sending us signals to listen to. And maybe only at this quiet and alone and very deep time can we hear what it wants us to? It can be painful and yet wonderful all in one.
    Thank you for sharing. Just knowing others experience this realness in the world truely does help.

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