What Will I Be? 

When I was a little girl and I would ask my mother, “What will I be when I grow up?” I was innocent in my belief that only glorious things lay ahead. 

I could never have grasped the concept that life would give me an incurable illness which would be my daily foe, not always visible but always lurking somewhere deep in my DNA. 

She did not tell me that my marriage that I always thought would be like the storybook ones “happily ever after”,  would one day end with nothing to show but a piece of paper entitled “Divorce Decree.” 

If I had known then that I was too lose her tragically and suddenly when I needed her the most, I would have held her close and told her every day how much I loved her.

Nevertheless, life is always unpredictable and what matters is how we deal with what we are given.

If I had not been diagnosed with MS, I don’t think I would have such a deep understanding and appreciation of myself and all that I am capable of overcoming.  I would not have the gratitude that each new day should be welcomed with. 

Each new day is not a given, but a gift.  

If it wasn’t for my marriage, I would not have my two wonderful sons which fill me with love and pride.  If I was never divorced, I would never have met my new man which always encourages me to be the best I can be.

Losing my mother unexpectedly was my biggest test and at the same time the catapult which taught me just how to stand on my own, showed me just how far I can go and how much I am capable of. 

Before my MS, I was living a life on auto pilot.  Going to work everyday, raising my sons, being a wife, while never really seeing beyond my own nose.  Trivial things would seem catastrophic and the fact that tomorrow the sun would rise again, never in doubt. 

Why does it seem to take an illness or tragic loss of a loved one, to awaken us to see what really makes our lives worth living.

What has your MS taught you when you were least expecting it?

Do not let your MS be your ending, but the beginning of your self discovery.  

Cindy Lee Lothian

July 6, 2013