Having Only Positive Expectations!

Last month, I took this picture on the shores-of  Prince Edward Island Canada while walking on the sand dunes during low tide with my two sisters, who are also my two best friends. Although we are now missing our mother in this physical world, I am almost convinced that out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of my mother sitting under a beach umbrella watching over us. 

The last time we walked these shores together was thirty years ago when my parents took us on an adventurous holiday where we first discovered the magnificence of the ocean and strange sea creatures served up on a platter with slices of lemon.

My seven year old self captured in snapshots hugging my sister while our legs were buried knee deep in the sand could not then know, the struggles that lay ahead.

I could never have predicted that in my thriving twenties, while being a young  mother myself, that multiple sclerosis would rear it’s ugly head and threaten to steal away my eyesight along with my very independence. 

I make this observation to point out as children, we do have positive expectations of what life will bring. Life has a cruel way of chipping away at this innocent belief we are born with. Where all things are possible and happily ever after awaits us as it does in the fairy tales we were read as children. 

I admit, while in the throes of my initial diagnosis,followed by a series of relapses, I was lost in the fear of what lay ahead 

We cannot foresee the future, nor do I think we would want to.

I think one of the biggest obstacles that come with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis is learning how to stop worrying about what might happen. Surrender, believe that all will be okay no matter what. Worrying definitely won’t help one bit and will only keep your body and mind in a constant state of stress and agitation. This will not give your body a calm environment in which it can try to heal. 

I know it is not easy to do this, especially during an MS flare up which can leave you feeling out of control and helpless. 

Try to think back to a time when you did only have positive  expectations. Remember how it felt to be free of worries and filled with excitement of what was to come. 

My place I go to is back to those shores of Prince Edward Island where my sisters and I once ran along the sea shores holding hands, stopping to collect sea shells while the ocean breeze blew our blond hair into make shift wings. 

Last month while standing again in these sand dunes with my two sisters I was filled with gratitude.  Although I have suffered the tragic sudden loss of my parents wile multiple sclerosis was giving me a fight for my life, I have become stronger and more confident in who I am.

This time, I did not bring back a suitcase filled with assorted seashells but something even more cherished. While strolling the harbor front shops on a beautiful sunny day, I found the perfect memento. I purchased  a necklace with a beautiful heart pendant made out of sea shells. I wore it while swimming in the ocean on my last day of my vacation, so I could always carry this memory close to my heart as a reminder to always be grateful. 

After all, all any of us is guaranteed is today.

Are you going to wast it worrying about tomorrow?

Cindy Lee Lothian 

September 21, 2013.