A Deal with God


Forget bargaining with the two-horned,insidious Devil, a deal with God is where it’s at.

When I first began having symptoms which manifested as blurred vision, my first born son was ten years old. I was having trouble continuing my job in the accounting department doing accounts payable and payroll.

My first experience of being pregnant had been somewhat traumatic.I had gotten pregnant at a young age and was caught up in a whirlwind of unfamiliar challenges.  Stress, worry, anxiety all vied for what I wanted to feel. Happiness at the growing life inside of me, joy with each little kick as my belly grew to the size of a beach ball.

I was told that pregnancy could make ms symptoms worse, but I had still not been officially diagnosed and wanted to have another baby. I decided to take the risk and go ahead and get pregnant.

I was  now thirty and was able to embrace the new life that was growing  inside of me without any feelings of shame. I reveled in each moment. I proudly wore my new maternity outfits and enjoyed the smiles people gave me as baby and I briefly passed by others lives.

The night came a week early, my water broke and I was soon to hold my baby.The delivery went well, taking no drugs and having an all natural delivery. I have to admit, I did a lot of screaming but listened to Lorenna McKennitt to take myself away from the pain.

He was beautiful.Gorgeous blue eyes,and a face of an angel. I was in love. One week later my vision in my right eye dimmed. Dimmed to blackness.

I was blind in one eye.

How could this happen I asked myself over and over while holding my beautiful newborn baby boy. My husband did not believe me until he shone a flashlight into my eye and I saw nothing.

Panic gripped me. What if I couldn’t see my gift from God grow up? What would he look like when he was five? Ten?


I laid down on my bed with my baby and made a deal with God. “Please let me see long enough to see what he looks like when he is five.”

I was lost in the darkness, looking inward for guidance and strength. My marriage was in turmoil, my kids needed their mother, and I needed to find “me”.

They say the dark night of the soul is a necessary journey to find clarity of vision. That year I journeyed there.

My son is now 17, and he is a handsome young man and I can tell you exactly what he looks like. My oldest son is 27 and just had his first baby.

Last week I just looked into my grandson’s two week old eyes and said, “Hi there little one, welcome to this wonderful world.”

Before writing this, I was making my coffee and dancing to the radio which was playing “Don’t stop until you  get enough.

I believe in signs. So my advice to you today is stop what you are doing and dance in the moment.

Let your inner you rejoice.

Cindy Lee

October 27, 2012

About Cindy Lee

I'm a writer, mother and lover of life who has learned that my twenty year dance with the disease MS, has given me Multiple Strengths. I write about love, laughter, healing and hope.
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11 Responses to A Deal with God

  1. Aron Novell says:

    blurred vision can be caused by astigmatism or any damage to the retine.^

    My favorite web page

  2. I am chair dancing after reading this! Its the best I can do but more than enough. Did your vision return completely? I do hope so. i had ON last year, very wcary. My vision came back gradually.

    Thank you Cindy, you’re an inspiration to me. We need all the encouragement we can garner. 🙂



  3. That should have said “scary” , apologies, I have no patience to spellcheck! 🙂

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