Things I Wish People Understood About MS!

You can never really know what someone else is thinking, feeling, wishing or mourning for unless you had a magic potion which allows you to step into their body for a day.

I cannot begin to describe the fear and devastation I felt when I first heard the doctors words “I think you have multiple sclerosis.” Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I was vanished in a five seconds it took for him to utter those unwanted six words. It is like this for many people whether it be a medical diagnosis, the news of the death of a loved one, or any other life altering events which forever changes the course of your life. 

I could never really explain the utter fear I felt when my vision started to blur and then progressed to complete blackness. I was terrified of being left alone in the world which was dimming to nothingness. I was afraid of being trapped inside my own body not being able to see the faces of my children. The feeling of isolation and claustrophobia threatened to swallow me whole.

I would like people to understand that living with MS is a constant test of faith and courage. The courage to believe that tomorrow things will get better. The faith that no matter what, I will be okay with whatever might come to be. MS is an unpredictable illness and it takes great fortitude to stay strong and fight whatever each new days challenges might be.

I would like people to understand that I do not want them to look at me with pity, amusement or bewilderment if I am not walking with a graceful stride. When I am shopping and have to hold an item three inches from my face to read the label, I wish people would not stare but instead offer to read it for me. 

If I am too tired to go to a preplanned event, I do not want to have to make up excuses or  try to explain how I am just too tired today to even take a shower never-mind going out and have to socialize for a five hour dinner and drinks. 

If I have to take medications for pain, muscle spasms, daily injections to ward off an exacerbation, I do not want to feel guilty for needing pharmaceutical help in my daily fight against MS. Eating healthy, juicing, vitamin supplementation, exercise and meditations some days just may not be enough. It does not mean I am weak of mind or in spirit if I choose to incorporate any means necessary in my life with MS. 

Just because I have MS it doesn’t mean I am no longer a woman who wants to love and be loved. 

I want everyone to know that because of my MS, I have become a strong, positive woman who knows what she wants in life and has learned to appreciate what really matters.

My wish is for everyone living with MS to believe that they are strong enough to quell the MS monster, worthy of being loved unconditionally and to feel gratitude for all the beauty of life  that we are blessed to experience each day we are given. 

MS does not have to mean your life is over, it just means your life is now different than it was yesterday. 

You will adapt.

You will grow.

You will be okay 

When you see me walking down the street, know that I am perfectly me!

Cindy Lee Lothian

August 18, 2013